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Meditation

from Archive by Maddie Razook

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lyrics

sitting on the bathroom floor
I think about you and organize my thoughts
soon I will be one year older
soon I will be one year further away from who I was
do you like me for who I am
or do you like me for how you choose to think of me
do I like you for who you are
or do I like you for how I choose to think of you
a new season
hiding away from the people who love me
reaching towards people who I want love from
after all this time
still wanting what it’s harder for me to have
some days I know I deserve more
some days I feel like I deserve less
happy sad happy sad happy sad happy happy
mostly happy
mostly
and sometimes sad
longing, wanting
empty, cold
what words do you choose to describe yourself
are they the same words that I use to describe you
how do you see yourself
what words do you choose to describe me
are they the same words I use to describe myself
on a good day
gentle, loving, open, soft
how do I see myself
even on a bad day
some days, trying so hard to see myself at all
fighting the urge to disappear into my sheets and hide there forever
I have romantic feelings towards a time and place
people and surroundings that were
but now are not
the way I love affects the way I hurt
the way I want affects the way I miss
but soon I will be another year older
one year further away from something
one year closer to something else

credits

from Archive, released December 5, 2019

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Maddie Razook Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

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