1. |
Spinning
03:27
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when I kissed your lips that night
I could feel the way your heart did beat
fast like mine
when you pulled me closer in
I began to get to know your warmth
I wonder if you think about
the way the planets spin around our heads constantly
because I do
I wonder if you trust this calm
the feeling that it all will be ok
in this moment I feel that
does the future keep you up
when you’re lying in your bed at night
all alone
do you ever stop and question
every little thing
you thought was true
holding on to circumstance
holding on to consequence and fate
holding on to what we have
holding on to trust and light and goodness
I’ll try to
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2. |
Archive
03:40
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when you first told me your name
I was scared I would forget it
so I repeated it to myself
over and over again
until it became ritual
my future with you
fantasy
in and out of a dream
I don’t know what is real
now the thoughts of me and you
have mostly subsided
the sound of it all
has quieted
quieted
I’m quieter now
soon I will archive you in my mind
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3. |
In the Morning
02:56
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I don’t want to wake up before the sun
I don’t want to stop before it’s done
I don’t want to push too hard and fall
I don’t want to ask you for it all
if it isn’t what you want
I’m ok with where we are right right now
I’m ok with with how it is somehow
I’m ok with having you this way
I’m ok just hoping it’ll stay
like this, the way I want
if things change I’ll try to understand
if you untangle your hand from my hand
if you need to go, I won’t cry
if you promise that you’re happy then I’ll try
to want what you want
lovely is your smile in the morning
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4. |
Maybe
02:03
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things are the way they are because you made them that way
I feel bad but I’ll tell you I’m ok
maybe I’m closed off to love because it doesn’t look like what I think it does
maybe I’m closed off to what I have because it isn’t what it was
when I’m feeling low I’ll try to see myself the way I did in the red light
the way I felt about myself that night
rip me open, we’ll find out what’s inside
it might not help but at least we can say that we tried
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5. |
December
01:13
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the beginning of December
we began to know each other
on the corner, there we huddled
while we waited for the car
split a beer we bought together
I could taste it later on
when our faces met, later on
a warmth met a warmth
a feeling I remember
and I still feel it in my body
hands on you, your hands on me
how it feels to touch another
it was cold outside that night
but it was warm in your embrace
how it feels to know another
in December, how it feels
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6. |
See Me
02:07
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what do I say when I feel this way
what do I say to you
it’s not ok when I feel this way
no, its not ok with you
I want to get out of this body
peel my skin off and escape and leave
feel the wind on my bones
and go away alone
you want to help me but you want an easy fix
what you don’t get is it isn’t that simple
I want to help me too
I don’t want to feel this way forever
you’re looking from outside
see what you want, you just want clarity for yourself
do you see me
are you looking at me
look at me
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7. |
Meditation
02:06
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sitting on the bathroom floor
I think about you and organize my thoughts
soon I will be one year older
soon I will be one year further away from who I was
do you like me for who I am
or do you like me for how you choose to think of me
do I like you for who you are
or do I like you for how I choose to think of you
a new season
hiding away from the people who love me
reaching towards people who I want love from
after all this time
still wanting what it’s harder for me to have
some days I know I deserve more
some days I feel like I deserve less
happy sad happy sad happy sad happy happy
mostly happy
mostly
and sometimes sad
longing, wanting
empty, cold
what words do you choose to describe yourself
are they the same words that I use to describe you
how do you see yourself
what words do you choose to describe me
are they the same words I use to describe myself
on a good day
gentle, loving, open, soft
how do I see myself
even on a bad day
some days, trying so hard to see myself at all
fighting the urge to disappear into my sheets and hide there forever
I have romantic feelings towards a time and place
people and surroundings that were
but now are not
the way I love affects the way I hurt
the way I want affects the way I miss
but soon I will be another year older
one year further away from something
one year closer to something else
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8. |
No Lovers
03:25
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you, you
certain something
you
certain safety
you
certain comfort
you
I’m not head over heels
and I know how that feels
maybe it’s a good thing
to stay grounded this time
I don’t need much
this is all
no whirlwind
no tailspin
lover, lover
I don’t want to a lover
I’m sick of lovers
I just want a warm spot to land
lover, lover
I don’t need a lover
I’m sick of falling
I just need a warm spot to land
I don’t want to run anymore
I’m tired
are you tired too
let’s rest
I’ll shut my eyes now
it’s time
to feel settled
don’t you think
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9. |
Golden One
04:20
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worn out, worn out like that sweater
remember that sweater that you loved and wore too many times
you ruined it
tired, you can see that I’m tired
tired is my heart, you couldn’t figure out what to do with it
fallen, I guess I had fallen
fallen for a daydream or what could have been a preconceived idea of you
angry, I think about it and I’m angry
angry that I couldn’t seem to get up
what was I to do
we knew there was more to know
and it wasn’t in the desperate reflection of the other
who was so conveniently close
and so far away
can’t satisfy your desire to be comforted
I’m not a soft blanket
I’m not a cup of tea
treat me like the ashes of your cigarette
an illustration of your apathy
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10. |
Soft Spot
02:45
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a love unreturned
at times, unreturned
stings less than no love at all
your love unreturned
by me in my secrecy
my brooding quiet anger left you questioning
my love unreturned
your confusion
and your sadness
that you didn’t want me to know
a love unreturned
at times, unreturned
stings less than no love at all
it hurts but stings less
than no love at all
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